It was the end of the world, and I was playing basketball with my younger brother and another person whom I do not know. I do not know where my parents are. From many angles, I try shooting the basketball, but I continuously fail to sink it through the hoop.
The man I do not know points to the sky. A presumable funnel cloud is forming. Quite a few, actually. The clouds are swirling, gray and threatening. Doom is imminent. The man begins to panic, but I still try to take shots. I never sink the ball.
My dream snaps to the same scene, but a different situation. I have my cell phone out and my service is wavering. I relentlessly press the "Call" button in the hopes to have a signal long enough to call my boyfriend and tell him I love him. We are both in our hometown, and he is seven minutes away, but the world was to end any moment, and seven minutes may be too long to reach him, and I need to let him know. The dream gets fuzzy here. I do recall talking on the phone, but I don't believe he was on the other line. Rather, I am rehearsing what I will say to him in the short amount of time I have. I recall saying, "My service is dying, so if it hangs up, I'll try calling back."
This sequence ends, and the nightmare flashes to the room of a house. I am standing in it, and my boyfriend is next to me. I don't recognize the house, but it somewhat resembles mine. It is actually standing upon the land in which my current house resides. Right between my neighbor's houses at the base of the cul-de-sac, but with a more open view of the sky.
We're on the second floor, and there are wide windows opened to the outside air and sky. The sky is of all colors. Toward the north, it is a pretty blue. As I look east, that blue turns darker and darker until it is completely black and hopeless at exactly 90 degrees to the east, storms punishing the Earth, and eventually, us. But it is beautiful and awe-inspiring. I make a mental note to find my camera and take pictures.
I remember walking around the second floor of the house, but I do not remember taking any pictures. I know that I will, though. Even though it is pointless. All life would ceast to exist at any moment thereupon. But I was with the one I love, and I was home, and for some unreasonable rationale, I wanted to take pictures of this moment.
The nightmare ends around here. Upon waking up, I only remembered my boyfriend. My nightmare bothered me. One would think the end should be peaceful and welcoming. Instead, it was vicious and menacing. It was scary. To not be able to reach the one you love is a horrifying sensation. It was not the apocolypse that frightened me. Overall, it was my disconnection from my sweetheart. My cell phone - a device on which I frequently depend - was unreliable. I had but three words to say, and I sacrificed several valuable minutes with which I could drive to his house in order to achieve some kind of fulfillment, satisfaction with the undetermined amount of time I had left to be alive. To exist.
This week has been rough. I knocked out one of my exams today. I have yet to take another. It is for Macroeconomics, which is one of the classes within my minor (which is Business for Non-Business Majors).
I was under the impression that I would enjoy economics courses in college because I had such an appreciation for the subject in high school. Quite the contrary, unfortunately. I am not enjoying my Macro class, and I would very much like to withdraw from the course, but I am unable to do so or else I risk losing my Bright Futures Scholarship (which is paying 75% of my tuition). So I'm going to sit it out.
I also have a test within my process for the honorary band fraternity, Kappa Kappa Psi. I have decided to join this fraternity after much thought. I feel this is one of the best decisions I have ever made. I love volunteering to help the band, I have made countless wonderful friends, and I have entered a valuable networking tool. I love meeting new people, and I love being with friends. And I feel that KKPsi will present many leadership opportunities, which I also enjoy.
However, with any group of friends, there will be drama. With any group of people, in general, I suppose. And with my recent realization that my minor is perhaps not for me, things have become a bit complicated in regards to family. I suppose my father loves me so much that nothing will be good enough for me. He is very concerned about my future, and he continuously asks me if it is a good idea for me to be involved in marching band throughout college, if it's a good idea for me to have a degree in Advertising/Public Relations.
I want to switch my minor from Business to English - Writing. I have no doubt my dad is going to question this.
I have done much thinking, though. I am well-aware of what I am doing. I do not know exactly where I will end up, but I know I will be successful. I am doing what I love right now, and I intend on pursuing what I love throughout life.
My ultimate goal in life is to be happy.
I mean, that's what motivates life, right? Money certainly doesn't. Happiness is the key. Control is the key.
I love writing. I love reading. I miss writing essays. (Weird as that may sound, especially coming from a college student.) I have always intended on a minor in English, and now is my opportunity to follow that dream. Some of the classes are more professional, and offer the benefit of learning to write proposals and create a resume. The other classes, admittedly, may sound silly (such as "Science Fiction Writing"), but honestly, writing brings out the best in me. It epitimizes who I am in essence. It stimulates my creative growth. Ad/PR (Advertising, especially) requires creativity. It encourages its practitioners to try new things, do what they love, and then to channel that positive energy into something productive, effective, and smart.
I pray that I can make my dad see this. My mom does, but my mother and father are two profoundly different people. If anything, I just want their support. I have always seeked my parents' approval, and this may be the first time I really rebel against them. I, of course, have their consent to pursue what I want in college, but I know my dad would be much more content if I stuck it safe and became an accountant or something along those lines. Something that, especially with this economy, would be promising as far as the dollar is concerned.
To tie things up, this nightmare put many things in perspective. I woke up with many epiphanies. Many insights. This will certainly be out of place, but I typed up my ideas on Facebook this morning after waking up and I wish to conclude this extensive post with those thoughts.
"Thank goodness for these insights. Things may have been getting scary this week, but I realize, ironically enough, that it is not the end of the world. I must continue to strive for my dreams, and even if they are not reached, it is not a terrible thing to keep trying until I fall. And when life presents an opportunity, take it. Don't opt out for anything less. Life, until the very last moment, will progress, and it is up to only ourselves to keep up with it. The world is still turning.
"Perhaps the most important and applicable concept I came to terms with this morning was this: When things are rough and becoming more difficult to bear, do what you love. Find a moment of happiness, or at least a smile. Sometimes you can't do anything about the state of things, and you just have to force yourself through them. Life is a game of control."
That is all.
A note: This entry, quite obviously, was more for me to vent my thoughts, frustrations, and all that jazz. It is, of course, much appreciated if you sustained enough patience to make it to this little note. My apologies if this was more diary-esque than entertaining. To compensate, I offer a link to my Photobucket account:
